What Inner Voice Are You Giving Your Child?
The way we speak to ourselves, others, and the children in our life really does matter.
Main Takeaway: Our kids are shaping their inner voices right now long before adulthood. The way we speak to them becomes the way they’ll speak to themselves and others. As parents, we can model kindness, accountability, and resilience through both our words and actions.
The Inner Voice We Give Our Kids
Our internal dialogue is often a collection of voices from our past, especially from childhood experiences that shaped how we see ourselves.
Raise your hand if you’ve ever had a conversation with yourself out loud, or in your head…
Yep, me too. And if you find that a little weird, that’s okay! Hear me out.
The way we talk to ourselves (out loud or in our own heads) makes a huge difference in how we approach problems, how we speak to others, how we react when we fail, and how we celebrate when we succeed.
For parents, this goes even deeper because the way we talk to our children helps shape their inner voice. We’re giving them the tools to carry with them when we’re not there. That’s part of why I wrote Wyatt In The Wyld: My Wyld Heart Knows is because I want to give Wyatt the tools to grow, to learn, to have confidence in himself. To know that wherever he goes, he’ll know what to do 🙂
Where Does Our Inner Voice Come From?
Most of us assume that little voice in our heads is just our own voice. But often, it’s not. It might sound like:
a parent from childhood
a coach who never wanted to lose
a teacher who focused more on mistakes than effort
or even a friend whose criticism stuck longer than it should have
In fact, a study in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology found that our patterns of self-talk are largely developed by the age of seven. Seven! And where do kids get most of that dialogue from?
Yup…parents and the adults closest to them.
We Are the Mirror
If you’re a parent, caregiver, or any grown-up in a child’s life, this part is big: the way we speak to kids about their actions and choices shapes how they’ll speak to themselves.
We are their mirror.
So if our own inner critic is harsh, it can slip through when we talk to them.
And it’s not just about throwing around “good job!” or “you got this!” It’s also in the quiet moments like when Wyatt is playing by himself and makes a mistake or gets frustrated by something. What tools have I given him to move through that moment without me stepping in?
Real-Life Example: The Lego Mess
Wyatt took all his lego bins out the other day from his little lego table and just left them in the middle of the living room in a pile….
So before I even said anything to him, I took a deep breath, cause I was kinda surprised he just left them. Then I had to remind him that:
“If we take something out, we put it back. If we make a mess, we clean it up.”
But I don’t need to yell or shame him. It’s more about gentle reminders: we can play hard, have fun, and yes even make messes. But we also respect ourselves, our toys, and our space by cleaning it up afterward.
It’s about living in harmony with our space, and building a safe space for us to practice everything we learn.
I want Wyatt to know that he is safe here, safe to make mistakes, safe to have emotions, safe to try again. (example: he can be a total tiny monster at home, then his teacher tells me he’s a perfect angel at school. Go figure. lol)
But that’s the point. At home, he gets to mess up, try again, and ask for help without fear.
Helping Our Kids Grow a Positive Inner Voice
One of the goals of writing Wyatt In The Wyld: My Wyld Heart knows is to help Wyatt build a positive, compassionate inner dialogue
Because life comes with a lot of ups and downs, and it won’t always be easy or ‘fun’. But the way we talk to ourselves (and others) determines how we move forward, learn, and grow.
And that’s what I want him to carry with him wherever he goes:
Knowing that being perfect isn’t the goal in life, and we will make mistakes or goof up
Knowing that failure can help us grow more than success sometimes
Having the inner confidence to try again, and so many more things.
Quick Summary:
Our child’s inner voice starts forming by age seven, and it get’s most of it’s influence from the adults most present in their life. The way we talk to our kids shapes how they’ll talk to themselves later in life too. It can be tough to break the cycle of our own inner critic or inner voice. But if you take the time to pause, to reflect on how you speak to yourself or your child in certain situations, that’s an amazing start.
None of us our perfect (even if my husband says he is haha) but we also have a choice in how we respond in certain situations. So if you feel like you have an inner voice that needs it’s own guidance too then don’t be afraid to reach out to a professional or someone to talk to about it. Healing yourself and taking time for yourself as a parent is sometimes more important than you might think.
I’ve been on my own healing and learning journey and that’s what Wyatt in the Wyld: My Wyld Heart Knows is all about—helping kids (and grown-ups too) discover tools for self-awareness, kindness, and mindfulness in everyday life.
We are truly in this world together. So why not make it enjoyable.
Stay Curious. Stay Kind. Stay Wyld.
Wyatt In the Wyld: My Wyld Heart Knows
This book is part of my own healing journey. I know my inner voice was made up of people that were not me, and I’ve had to work hard to make sure my own voice comes through in my head… So I want to make sure Wyatt develops an inner voice that works with him, and not against him.
Available for purchase in paperback and hardcover on Amazon as well as Bookshop.org, Barnes & Noble, and other online retailers. Links below:
Helpful Links
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